First things first: Strategies for multi-tasking during multi-player

Yes. I am female. Yes, I play video games. No, I’m not fat. No, I don’t want to Skype with you naked. I don’t want to ERP or derp, and I really don’t want any of your herp.

English: 2 World of Warcraft cosplayer, costum...

Now that we have that out of the way, hello. Welcome to my blog. Let’s dive on in – and when I say dive, I mean, let’s take a moment to really consider whether girls (women, females of any kind, really), actually do play video games and why. Okay, now go read THIS ARTICLE. Are you done? I can tell that you’re lying. Well, since you completely ignored my instructions, I’m going to give you a bit of a recap.

What the incredibly enlightened author of the aforementioned article would have told you is that women do play video games and, despite whatever you may think to the contrary, they DO NOT PLAY THEM FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF BEING HIT ON BY DESPERATE MEN. We enjoy them. (I feel comfortable using the collective “we” here because this is my universe and in my universe I speak for all women everywhere). 

Feel free to take a moment and really savor the information you just received. Let it seep into your pores like the oil you’re so familiar with after a full weekend forgetting to shower as you attempt to earn that ever-elusive exalted reputation with that outdated faction in order to buy a single mount that you’ll never actually use. No? You don’t do that? Here we see the way in which “gamer girls” and “gamers” (why must we make a distinction between gamers and gamer girls?) most greatly differ. Or, at least, this is how I most greatly differ from all of my male gamer friends: they still know how to function once they start playing a video game intensely.

When I start playing, let’s say hypothetically, World of Warcraft, it’s suddenly 15 hours later and I’m wondering why my abdomen feels like it’s about to explode. That’s when I realize I have a bladder and promptly proceed to plot how best I can make my way to the bathroom and somehow keep my raid alive. READ CAREFULLY NOW, THIS IS WHERE THE ADVICE BEGINS! Since, in this hypothetical, I’m playing a healer in World of Warcraft, we’re going to begin by discussing the specific methods I’ve used to cope with this particular predicament.

  1. Make sure you’re playing on a laptop: This provides a kind of portable freedom a desktop just will never allow – unless you have a wireless keyboard and mouse with unlimited range and a network of screens in every room. Just saying, that would be awesome.
  2. Play a disc priest or be exceedingly aware of damage preventing cool downs: Discipline priests, with their unending ability to prevent damage before it happens, are probably the best suited healing class for this particular purpose. We are, of course, assuming we live in a world where Divine Hymn no longer exists or where you’re not allowed to just randomly start popping cool downs in the middle of a raid attempt because you have to go squat on a chunk of porcelain. An even easier way to avoid this predicament is to play a DPS, let yourself die, scream into your voice chat that you had a wicked lag spike and swiftly run, RUN, RUN to the nearest bathroom. Assuming none of those options are at your disposal, playing a disc priest is still your surest way to pull this off.
  3. Bubble and prayer of mending the tank, holy fire, then quickly unplug your laptop.
  4. Cast Spirit Shell, use your power infusion and spam prayer of healing as you casually walk to the toilet.
  5. Enjoy the sweet bliss of relief.
  6. Repeat step 3’s healing spells before wiping (yourself, not the raid).
  7. Enjoy your new raiding atmosphere until the attempt is complete.

    The Corrupted Blood debuff being spread amongs...

    The Corrupted Blood debuff being spread amongst characters in Ironforge, one of World of Warcraft′s in-game cities. I promise this wasn’t my fault. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I would like to note, that I have no idea how to pull this off if you are in the tank role. Thankfully, I don’t believe most women main tanks, and even more happily for all, I almost never do. If I did, I would probably have a strategy for coping with this. This strategy, though specifically developed and mastered during raiding situations in World of Warcraft, can easily be transferred to your game of choice.

So remember: Consider “accidental” death, plan appropriately to insure survival, maintain normal performance while preparing for your move, pop everything you think is appropriate, and take your rightful place on the throne. And if you fail at any step, blame lag.


4 thoughts on “First things first: Strategies for multi-tasking during multi-player

  1. Ahahaha. I refused to heal on my priest (suck my shadows. BOOM MB dmg proc), but I learned early on how to pee in a minute to two minutes. Never lost that from my skill tree either. Came in handy when I started to test mmos.

    • I absolutely love healing on my priest – under ideal circumstances. New content, un-stupid raid members (Not intelligent, because, frankly, intelligent people don’t need to be healed and it’s boring), and that sweet spot of damage where I can heal through it and feel like I’m the king of the world. I’ve only had like one guild who let me DPS and it didn’t go fantastically well.

      • It’s all about preference as well. I mean, some people just like to heal. Some people like to tank. And some people like me just like to watch the world burn. I haven’t played WoW in a really long time, so I can’t really comment on how things have changed, but yeah. Some awesome years.

  2. Hi, I’m the author of the article on “fake gamer girls”. Thank you for linking it; I’m really glad you enjoyed it. You have a good blog so far. I look forward to seeing more from you. Contact me if you’re interested in doing post exchanges, or even just want to talk about blogging/writing/videogames/whatever

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