For those of you who may not already know, WordPress, shows me when someone has accessed my site from a search engine. Not only does it tell me when you reach this place via search engine, it tells me the search terms which led you here. Hence, every day on my stats I see that a single individual accesses my blog by googling “vaginas in video games.” Who is this person? Is this blog what he or she is really searching for? Or is this person just looking for video games with vaginas in them and finding him/herself here, instead? The world may never truly know. However, in a quest to find the answer, I Googled “vaginas in video games ” and I have to say, the results were interesting and have essentially led me to the conclusion that Googling body parts yields a bizarre experience every time.
1. I am proud to say that if you were ever motivated to Google vaginas in video games, the first link on the list is mine. It will bring you to my homepage and ranking first in any Google query of improper nouns is a pretty amazing experience. (Upon regoogling on another computer, I found myself ranking second among vaginal experiences. This will be rectified).
2. Vajayjay Hero – I know what you’re thinking. Am what I looking at real? This can’t be real. Well, I’m sorry to say, it is. This particular link is to an article condemning the (I guess, meme? Running joke? Are those synonyms?) regarding a (fictitious??) game in which you have to push the correct buttons to play a vagina. Yeah, I really just can’t even say anything more. No words. My money is on the fact that the person who led me to write this article is probably looking for this game; just a hunch.
3. 5 Video Game Enemies That Look Suspiciously Like Vaginas – This is pretty self-explanatory and significantly less frightening than Vajayjay Hero in about 60 different ways. There’s also this article, and this one. Okay, we get it. The Freudian metaphor is not lost on me! “Well, you see, the game designers were never able to conquer this particular aspect of their lives, so now unconsciously, it is prevalent in everything they do.” Whatever, boys like to draw body parts.
4. Apparently there is also a game called “Privates.” Apparently this title is a pun because, ZOMG it takes place in a vagina and, you know, that’s your privates (or my privates, or a girl’s privates). Yeah, it’s super clever. SUPER CLEVER! So anyway, a few things come up for this brilliant work of video game craftsmanship. Including a review by another lady, in which she points out that this game’s premise is one which would appeal to six-year-olds because six-year-olds really, really, really like bodily functions. I would like to assert that everyone thinks bodily functions are entertaining (hence Blizzard’s obsession with poop). Anyway, this game actually doesn’t look horrible. But here’s a trailer:
And just for good measure, you should all know that someone made this Facebook group. Because who doesn’t love vaginas, video games, and Poland?
And because I’m feeling like I’m seriously lacking in terms of other weird vaginal stuff have some related articles:
- Vagina, Vagina, Vagina … There, Kotex Said It (adpulp.com)
- 7 Things We’re Embarrassed To Admit We Didn’t Know About Our Vaginas (clutchmagonline.com)
- First Orgy. First Vagina. First African. Lots of Firsts. (culturallover.wordpress.com)
- Kesha’s Love Song to Her Vagina (unaskedadvice.wordpress.com)