Skydiving for Diamonds

Okay, that title is totally misleading. But I just saw another one of those articles about diamonds synthetically made from human ashes, and I am relatively sure I would like to have that be my fate.

Why is the source material always so disappointing?

Obviously, there would be a clause in my will prohibiting the Amy Diamonds from being sold, destroyed, or otherwise disposed of. It would be nestled smack in the middle of the clause saying that my funeral has to be an approximate re-enactment of Weekend at Bernie’s, ending with a fantastic sky-diving trip. Preferably somewhere that people would see my parachute fail to open (since corpses can’t open parachutes and obviously you won’t get the point of my joke unless I explain it), so that I could scare the bajeezus out of someone.

You probably think I’m kidding. I’m oh-so-very-not.

These people are also serious.

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