#ShitDougSendsMe Ep. 0007

The time is 4:12 a.m. I am sleepily watching South Park and surfing the interwebs. I receive the following correspondence on Steam:

: jesus fucking christ
: So you want a story that isn’t from reddit?
: Aight
: So
: I got to my buddy’s place around 2
: we’re drinkin, watching the soccer game
: go to this bar for 5. His work has an event going on, raising money for a animal shelter
: We’re drinkin, having a good time
: He get blasted, his fiancee isn’t drunk, I’m well on my way
: Fuckin, I’m signing because I’m drunk and feel like using sign language, regardless of if anyone understands me. I’m talking at the same time, so it’s whatever
: The event kinda settles down, we’re still drinking
: Hanging out with a couple of my buddy’s coworkers
: This dude comes over, fake signs at me, I’m like “Uhhh, sign again?”
: He says he was just faking it, then we get into this long discussion about like, deaf culture, etc etc
: We’re talking for what? 30 minutes, and I realize my fuckin buddy has left me, as has his fiancee
: They’re fuckin chatting it up with their other coworker
: And I realize
: Dude is fucking hitting on me
: I go over to my buddy, grab his shoulder and just fucking bitch in his ear “YOU FUCK” and bitch him out for leaving me talking to this dude
: Just some fucking dude who like insinuated himself with the event
: Jesus fuck… So turns out this dude had won a fuckin basket from the raffle that went on
: The basket had alcohol and other such things in it
: I’m drunk
: I go “Bro, if you give me that bottle of vodka, that would be fucking badass”
: To the gay dude
: He goes “Only if you promise to sign your best man speech at his wedding”
: I’m like “DONE” *yoink*
: Free bottle of cake flavored vodka
: So me, my buddy and hsi fiancee, this gay dude and his buddy all apparently decide it’s time to leave the bar. We’re like 4 steps out the door, I turn to my buddy and have a lil powwow chat. The dude and his buddy continue on. WE FUCKING BOOK IT
: Go back to her car, back to their place
: I’m drunk. Freshman I’ve been hooking up with messages me, telling me to come over
: I’m like… no where close to campus, and drunk. MY FRIENDS LET ME FUCKING DRIVE.
: I get there
: Get my fuckin dick sucked. Crash for like.. an hour. And now I’m here
: Oh, and I’m driving in the fucking snow that’s been coming down nonstop for the last fucking 3 weeks straight
: Oh it’s not done
: Actually, that’s about it

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